sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
