I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
