Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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