its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
