you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
someone owes me an orgasm
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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