Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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