I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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