I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
