Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
