My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
