Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can I color on your dick again?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
