Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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