fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
