Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize