Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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