her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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