new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
