I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
