Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
