The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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