he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jerry, you need to find god
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
