My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
