Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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