Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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