Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
