remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize