3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
