Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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