Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
