Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
