Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
