i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Welp...herpes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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