you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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