OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
