dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
50% drunk capacity currently
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
