hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
