you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
