I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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