Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
