we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
