But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
