She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
