He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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