I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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