She is in my trunk
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
