The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think your dad took our porno
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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