life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
