I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
