Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
