his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
