found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm like, not good at living.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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