There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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