saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
