Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
