Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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