Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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