So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
you had me at cake vodka
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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