Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
