he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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