I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
