dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
