Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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