I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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