He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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