I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
