So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
