Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
