i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she told me i tasted like america
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize