I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
