It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
