that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
