I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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