i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
