ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
