i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
