I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
