WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
