so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
