i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
