Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
