there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize