My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
