Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
