So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
