its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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