college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
