Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize