Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
