he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
