clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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