do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
