Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
