I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
