i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
