His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
