You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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